On Ambition

Ive once been told that I have no ambition (because I never did anything more than a BE and because I was, at that time , employed in the same company for > 6 years). I remember laughing at that time and saying that what does someone mean when they say they want to earn X amount of money or be the CEO of some company or start their own business , be their own boss, be famous , be the best in their field , because surely thats not their end goal?
What exactly are people looking for when they want money or power or fame or expertise? Simple answer really.
It reminds me of another time when I had visited a friends house whose uncle was down from America for a vacation, a big shot manager in a big company(GE I think). He told me (since I was introduced as the smart guy) that I should come and work in America. I wasn't I think experienced enough then to just smile and nod, and I said "Why?". The uncle look surprised. I don't think he expected that answer. After a brief pause he said "Because you can earn more money", to which, I asked "Why?" . After another pause he said "So that you can buy whatever you want". I said "I have whatever I need" He said "Then you don't want enough" , he didn't understand the nuance between needs and wants. Before I could point out the circular nature of his argument, my friend nudged me and shook his head, and I laughed and let it go.

At various points in my life , I have wanted to be a scientist , a detective , revealed to family as something beginning in 'D' (which they thought meant Doctor, surprising , considering my aversion to blood), a self sufficient Farmer, a Teacher, a Librarian or Book shop owner and have ended up as a Software Engineer. But not without fulfilling some of my previous ambitions. Well fulfilling is a strong word, things that could be interpreted as fulfilling my ambitions.

Science experiments mainly consisted of being able to burn paper boats in the afternoon when my grandmother was asleep, with or without candle wax. All in the pursuit of a boat that would burn but would remain intact. I'm not sure why I thought wax would achieve this. Also burning firecracker tiklis in the box. Some school experiments in physics and chemistry is all I have to show for the scientist's ambition. I guess my claim to fame is that I never got caught by parents.

I never manged to make Teacher either but I did teach my neighbour's kid some maths, he got full marks in the next exam, my crowning achievement. I taught two people for Drawing and BEE K.T.'s , they passed. I taught another person in engineering with some limited success. I have taken some courses in MBT. Not quite what I expected when I said I was going to be a Teacher, but atleast I can tick this.

When I wanted to be a Detective, I imagined myself as an Alistair MacLean loner. However it looks like all my sleuthing skills have only been used to figure out bugs in code, quite successfully as well. Among all my colleagues, there have been better coders, designers, architects , managers than me, but so far in my own biased opinion, I am the best bug detective.

I briefly held the title of Librarian at St Peter's YSS. I had imagined myself as the male version of Meg Ryan in You've got mail, reality ofcourse was far different. All I did was make entries in Library cards. No pretty woman(girl at that time) ever asked me my opinion for which book she should read.

And now its almost time to fulfill the ambition to be a Farmer.